My name is Katie and I grew up in Minnesota. I was adopted at six months old and I’m originally from Daegu, South Korea.
When I was a kid, honestly, I didn’t really notice it. There weren’t really many questions when it came to just being adopted and growing up in a family that you know might not look the same as me. But I think the older that I’ve gotten, it’s been more of a struggle just kind of trying to figure out who you are and finding your place in the world because I feel like a lot of the times people can look up to their parents and be like, ‘ohh my parent was super like good at this or these were their hobbies, maybe it’s my hobby too’. So you kind of just have to start from scratch and try and figure out that part of yourself and whether it’s a career or just everyday life.
Nicole: That’s a good point. Yeah, it definitely feels there’s no frame of reference. So how old were you when you would say were you when you started to have those questions?
I would say when I was really young, I’ve always kind of been aware and I’ve always kind of wanted to know more about where I came from. I’d definitely say in elementary school at some time. I started getting answers to my questions, I read over my documents and the things that they did give me about my birth parents when I was a freshman in high school. So that’s when I learned everything that I could about them.
Are there any pivotal times in your life as an adoptee that you can recall?
I would say Korean Culture Camp was definitely a big thing for me. Meeting other people that also came from where you came from as well as having the same I guess outlook on life and knowing that you have been placed and you know the specific area.
I think another one is just meeting people now that I’m older, it’s a lot more interesting finding out who is adopted and how before I even maybe have met them or gotten to know them, I just connect with them easier.
Can you talk a little bit more about Korean Culture Camp?
I started going to Korean Culture Camp (KCC) when I went to Pre K so I was very young. And my mom was a helper at the camp because when I was a kid, I had attachment issues and I never liked being away from my mom or my dad. I always wanted them to be with me for that sense of security.
KCC is a place where a bunch of kids kind of went and we learned about the culture, Korea. And we learned different things, whether it was what kind of food they ate or how to say certain phrases or words, as well as arts and all of that. I really liked going.
Nicole: Do you want to go back to Korea someday?
Yeah, I think I would really love to. I think it’s really important just to kind of see where your roots are from and just experience that part of yourself.
If I didn’t have to think about money or whatever, I would totally do it as soon as I can. I think there’s so many questions that you will get answers to without it even specifically being a person that’s going to give you the answers, but kind of just going to see things for yourself and getting answers from that.
But when you refer to some of the questions that will be answered without a person, what kind of questions are you referring to?
Katie: Okay, so like a person being like birth parents or maybe even questions like from myself that I can’t answer here in Minnesota because I feel like sometimes you just have to see things and then when you see them like that’s the answer.
Nicole: Yeah, I think that’s fair. There’s a lot of ambiguity tied to adoption and there are so many things that we might not ever have answers for which is such a difficult thing to make peace.
Nicole: How was it growing up with a sibling who is also adopted?
It was nice because you could kind of feel like you related on some things without really having to talk about it. You didn’t have to talk about the specific adoption process or about our birth parents, but just it was nice to be able to look over and be like, ‘oh, yeah, they are in the same kind of situation as I am. They are growing up the same as I am’. That was always comforting.
How do you feel about adoption as an adult?
Being adopted definitely makes life harder in some aspects. I feel like there’s a lot of trauma that nobody really talks about. And it happens to kids that are adopted just from being taken away from their birth mother. And we were in the womb for nine months, and then we were off to foster care for however long and then we were taken away from that. And then to another place. So I think a lot of people that are adopted no matter what age they were adopted at I think there is some kind of abandonment or attachment issues whether it’s small or big.
Also the fact that growing up I felt kind of like an outcast and having to deal with not really fitting in because of where I grew up and people not looking like me. And I always kind of struggled with feeling like I was beautiful because I was not the beauty standard.
Nicole: I so relate to that.
So I think it took me up until I was around 20 for me to kind of believe that maybe other people might find me attractive.
So yeah, when it comes to adoption in general, I would say I think it’s a great thing.
It’s really amazing to be able to give somebody a home and to be able to care for them, whether or not you’re able to have kids or whatever the situation is. I think it’s really beautiful how it doesn’t matter whether or not you birth someone, you can still have this deep connection with them, and they can still mean the world to you.
••Do you think that your perspective about adoption has changed over the years?••
Yes and no. I think during my teenage years I struggled with the fact of just kind of not knowing more about my birth parents. And the history of that and not being able to find out who they were. And having those questions of like, why didn’t they want me all, all of the very generalized questions that you would think you would ask yourself.
I think growing up, I have just been very thankful and grateful for the decision that they both made that I know probably wasn’t easy on either of them to give me the best life possible, so I think it turned into a little bit resentment to being grateful.
Nicole: For sure. Yeah, it’s definitely a process, and it’s not linear, as cheesy as that sounds, but it’s like the feelings fluctuate as you go through different things in your life. Is meeting your birth parents or doing a birth parent search something that you’re interested in?
Katie: Yeah, I think it would be interesting to meet them, but there’s always that kind of anxiety that’s telling you, what if they reject you again in some way, but you know, at the end of the day you just know that they might not be in a place where they are ready to, they just might not be emotionally stable enough to meet you and it has nothing to do with you. But would I like to meet them? Yeah, it would be awesome to I guess just thank them for giving me life.
Do you have any advice for other adoptees who have gone through similar experiences?
Learn about where you came from or even Google the city you were born in. Look at pictures, look at Tik Tok. Just try to be interested about it and don’t feel ashamed of it. I think it’s really important to embrace who you are– it’s the best thing that you can do. It’s gonna allow a lot more people to possibly relate to you and be able to build deeper connections.
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